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Wobec ogromnego entuzjazmu pozwole sobie zamiescic druga czesc njalpeszych z najlepszych...
Homer:
Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! ... Well, good night.
Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. ... OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. ... Thy will be done.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!
All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.
All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.
Don't worry, son. I'm sure he's up in heaven right now laughing it up with all the other celebrities : John Dilinger, Ty Cobb, Joseph Stalin...I wish I was dead.
Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
First you don't want me to get the pony, then you want me to take it back. Make up your mind.
First you gotta shriek like a woman, then keep sobbing till he turns away in disgust. That's when it's time to kick some back.
Good things don't end in 'eum,' they end in 'mania' or 'teria.
Guess how many boobs I saw today... Fifteen!
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T!
I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!
I don't miss a thing. WOAH! We have a kitchen?!
I hope I didn't brain my damage.
I may occasionally kill out of anger; or to illustrate a point, but I'm no Grim Reaper!
I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.
I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff. And I want in.
I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.
I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four.
I wonder where Bart is, his dinner's getting all cold... and eaten.
If it doesn't have siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair.
If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!
If you're gonna get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things.
I'm not outta order! You're outta order! The whole freakin' system's outta order! You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and stick your hand into a pile of goo that used to be your best friend's face! You'll know what to do — forget it Marge — it's Chinatown!
I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am!
I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -and it's me.
I’ve figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of travelling acrobats.
I've come to hate my own creation! Now I know how God feels!
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
Look at 'em. Watchin' my TV. Sittin on my couch. You better not be in my ass groove!
Marge, it's 3 AM. Shouldn't you be baking?
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
Marge, quick, how many kids do we have? No time, I'll just estimate. Nine!
Marge, what's wrong? Are you hungry? Sleepy? Gassy? Gassy? Is it gas? It's gas, isn't it?
Marge, when I join an underground cult I expect a little support from my family.
My father never believed in me! I'm not gonna make the same mistake. From now on I'm gonna be kinder to my Son and meaner to my Dad.
No son of mine is gonna be a nineteenth-century Cockney bootblack!
Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.
Oh my God! Someone's trying to kill me! Oh wait, it's for Bart.
Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close.
Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
Once you go Vatican, you never go back again.
Operator! Give me the number for 911!
Who needs English? I'm never going to England.
Public transportation is for jerks and lesbians.
The only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes... wait a minute... Statue of Liberty... that was our planet! You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
Lincoln! That lying, rail-spitting, theater-going freak!
That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
The food was not undelicious.
Now the hunter has become the hunter.
Trying is the first step towards failure.
Wait a minute... I'm in no condition to drive... hmm... I'm drunk! I shouldn't listen to myself!
We're goin bowling. If we don't come back, avenge our deaths.
Homer: Wait, so the cops knew internal affairs was setting them up?
Cult Member: What? Mr. Simpson, there was nothing like that in the movie.
Homer: Yeah, when I get bored I make up my own plot.
What are you gonna do? Release the dogs?! Or the bees?! Or dogs with bees in their mouth so that when they bark they shoot bees at you?
When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
You help me, and I, in turn, am helped by you!
Your mother seems really upset. I better go have a talk with her — during the commercial.
Bart: Dad, we did something terrible.
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Bart: Yes.
Homer: But the car's ok?
Bart: Yea but-.
Homer: Ok then.
Faith: Lisa, I’m Faith Crowley, Patriotism Editor of Reading Digest.
Homer: Oh, I love your magazine. My favorite section is “How to increase your word power.” That thing is really, really … good.
Flanders: I think we hit something.
Homer: I hope it's Flanders.
History Channel narrator: America, 1948. Americans pick their president. Victory seemed certain for Governor Thomas E. Dewey.
Homer: Dewey! Dewey! Dewey! Dewey!
Lisa: Dad, I'm telling you. Truman wins.
Narrator: The headlines proclaim, "Dewey defeats Truman".
Homer: Yes, I win the bet! Who’s your daddy?!
Narrator: But the headlines are dead wrong. (Homer gasps) Harry Truman triumphs by two million votes.
Homer: Not if I can stop that inauguration!
Homer: (driving ambulance) Where to man?
Comic Book Guy: For the third time, the hospital! You are an ambulance, not a taxi!
Homer: Hospital, ah? Wow, everyone's going there tonight.
Lisa: Dad, you've been driving in circles for twenty minutes! Why don't you just admit you don't know where the hospital is?
Homer: Why don't you admit I know it's around here somewhere?!
Homer: All right, guys! It's time to clean up this town!
Skinner: Meaning what exactly?
Homer: You know, push people around, make ourselves feel important. That kind of thing.
Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: Here you go, Flanders. I've found your missing wheelbarrow, chainsaw, leaf blower, and morning newspaper.
Ned: Ooo, good job, Inspector Find-it. Did you catch the thief?
Homer: Who said it was a he?
Ned: Well, I sure didn't.
Homer: Who said you did?!
Homer: We'll lose tourists! Then who will buy my road-side corn?!
Marge: You don't sell road-side corn.
Homer: There's a lot you don't know about me Marge. A lot that would shock you.
Homer: Oh, no! Lisa's dead! And nothing will ever bring her back! (slyly) Unless...
Lisa: Dad, I'm not dead.
Homer: Oh, praise God! You're alive! (slyly) Unless...
Homer: Oh, you know what Arthur Fortune did lately? He donated two male pandas to the zoo and got them to mate, successfully!
Mr. Burns: And a stunt like that impresses people?
Homer: Oh, yeah. And I'm not easily impressed. (looking out window) WOW, a blue car!
Homer: Welcome to the Internet, my friend. How can I help you?
Comic Book Guy: I'm interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud Internet connection to a 1.5 megabit fiber optic T1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router that's compatible with my token ring ethernet LAN configuration?
Homer: (after staring blankly) Can I have some money now?
Lisa: Aunt Selma, this may be presumptuous, but have you ever considered artificial insemination?
Homer: Boy, I don’t know. You gotta be pretty desperate to make it with a robot.
Marge: What about Mr. Burns, maybe he'll help us out.
Homer: Forget it, he releases the hounds at every charity that comes to his door: Feed the Children, Save the Whales, even Release the Hounds
Marge: What happened to the car?
Homer: Nothing.
Marge: I don't remember it having broken axels before!
Homer: Before before before! You're livin' in the past Marge. Quit livin in the past!
Doctor: This procedure could increase your brain power. Or may possibly kill you.
Homer: Increase my killing powers, eh? Let's do it!
Kent Brockman: I'm Kent Brockman, on the eleven o'clock news tonight...a certain type of soft drink has been found to be lethal, we won't tell you which one until after sports and the weather with Sonny Storm.
Moe: I'm better than dirt - well, most kinds of dirt. I mean, not that fancy store-bought dirt. That stuff's loaded with nutrients. I - I can't compete with that stuff.
Bart: Can I speak to Amanda Hugankiss?
Moe: Amanda Hugankiss! I'm looking for Amanda Hugankiss. Oh, why can't I find Amanda Hugankiss?
Barney: Maybe your standards are too high.
Moe: Uh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey, everybody, I.P. Freely!
Moe: Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?
MOE: Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem! Come on, guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here? (BO = body odour)
Moe: Telegram for Heywood U. Cuddleme! Heywood U. Cuddleme? Big guy in the back, Heywood U. Cuddleme?
Mr. Burns: Is Smithers there? First name Wayland.
Moe: Smithers? First name Wayland, was it? Listen to me, you. When I find out who you are, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and shove 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then, I'm going to use your tongue to paint my boat.
Louie: Johnny Tightlips! Where did they shoot you?
Johnny Tightlips: I ain't saying nothing.
Louie: But what do I tell the doctor?
Johnny Tightlips: Tell him to suck a lemon.
_________________
"Choose your next wittisism carefully Mr. Bond, it may be your last!"
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